Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
