apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
