She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
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