You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
