i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
