I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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