He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
