He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
that's an acceptable place to lick
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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