I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
