Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
