My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
