Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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