I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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