where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
