Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
