He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
