Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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