Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
