If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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