Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
