Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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