she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
