I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
