I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
