Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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