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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
