he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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