sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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