So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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