why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
