bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
