I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Sext me about skeletons
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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