kristin has been a bad kristin
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Randomize
