Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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