Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
