JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Hippo gnu deer
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
