NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
