i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
