First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
