goodnight i made you a song goodbye
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
