Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
we're making bets on your personal life
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
