well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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