I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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