he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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