I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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