I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
