I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
