boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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