Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
