capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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