I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
