every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
