I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
40s are totally the cure
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
