so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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