guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
