This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Randomize
