if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
