remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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