shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
