And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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