My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
