Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
please come you make the beer taste better
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
it's like iHOP with fire
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
