I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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