She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
