Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he fucked my hip out of place.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
